wat had i done!

Donno how to say…recently really damn down…depression had overwhelmed my entire heart and lead me to elsewhere…to blame someone else and frm the process …realize the power of tongue..really make me inevitable to admit that the truth…I am so down…feel guilty that ruin the friendship among my frens…due to my kei po…I had killed a wonderful friendship….wat had happened to me?i dunno…why I so silly…why I so ego…to show off that I know something..i am not meant it…not purposely to speak out ones…I am losing my mind ..i could only blame my mind since it is the cpu from my body….
How to say, I like to be frend with u…but it is wat I called the relationship had exceed the best frend category which are wat we man called brother… so,whatever u have any problem..i sure ll support u..however, there are so many thing that we need to mix together while we doing a task. It wont be so nice that all is in our prediction..there sure have fall and rise in our life…
I just know…I had never had this kind of feeling…I wont bother anyone how they feel upset…but the only thing I care is ur feeling…is proven tat if brother no happy…I also wnt be happy….and notice I feel down…hardly to recover back..luckily the effective medicine is coming soon…to solve my problem…he is coming back kl from uk…my best brother…in st co…hopefully he ll give me some hope that able to eliminate those depression from my heart…upgrate to brain..
I really scare I had done something wrong and provoke u..hated by u…able to make my life worst….unless..my st co brother all gather together to give me support…I might wont be so sad yet…ah! I just this thing will be slowly be forgetten and hoping no one able to ruin something that able to make me feel uncomfortable ……
The bottom line is…there is no fun at all to become secret keeper….if u understand wat I had written above…congrate..u are super genious…if u can feel it..and u are a gal…single…haha..jsut give me a call…0122137683…at least u try…I wont disappointed u ones…believe me!

congratulation...

u came back to kl from Australia and inform me that u stay in cititel hotel...i am so glad to hear that..coz long time do not notice u since u leave kl inform me that u are going to pursuit biotech degree from there...

as normal,since i have car..bring u go to have a drink..thanks for ur beer...i have to admit that..i feel more better while chatting with u compare to my other frend..a warming sense surrounded myheart...nothing to be ashamed of..no need to filtered whatever i had spoken from my mouth..the freedom...i can say..i much much appreciate this kind of feeling that coz of u ,i had feel it..and obtain it..
eh...those misunderstand my motive,i am not a gay man...i am a bit touching coz this fren...is very special to me...we had undergone a lot of so called bad for us is consider ok lah..wont reveal from here..then,i feel glad and surprised that..he inform me he is going to be a father...for heaven`s sake!unbelievable man...wont reveal anything from here but actially he is damn lucky then i can say..with this age,just graduate from australia,is going to obtain pr frm there...and this..THIS!REALLY CHANGE MY MIND..this is the life i wish to have in the future...the next day,went to kl centre to fetch ah sou...haha..bring them to eat breakfast in pj area..luckily they appreciate the food..if not,i ll blame myself...as a kl ppl...fail to satisfied their appetide...then bring them back tohotel forcheck in...blah blah..blah,..
the next next day again..meet them for dinner aft my training in pantai medical hospital..notice them so loving..i feel v happy and in the sametime..i envy too..who dun envy..u have a woman willng to give bitrth a baby to u...and is nice,kind heart,down to earth somemore..then,we dined in kiku zakura..luckily the si tau po allow to charge me for free for the VIP room but again...my frend treat me for this dinner..haha...thanks alot man!
i might plan to go melbourne to visit u aft i graduate lah..ALL THE BEST AND BLESS TO UR BABY...

WHAT`S WRONG WITH U!

Sometime I feel very bad for myself as I did something that is breaking the brotherhood rule…which is betray my brother just for quench my revenging thought…

To being selfish..Revengeful..yeah I am, but why do I involve myself in such indolence behavior…as what I had said..u are the fellow who began with it…it is nothing that will happen if u dun provoke a person …for ur reason..blaming me for my own good but I feel very depress when receive ur lecturing…sick with it..fedup with it…but what to do…hate u? yes…I am but self control overwhelming my evil rhythm.. but as it accumulate in little by little…it will burst at..which is a powerful explosion…but, the thing is..i dun dare to do..kill u?i can if I want… accidentally murder….who knows.?

It is not the 1st time u try to snatching my happiness. as a brother..u should give encouragement but u seem like…aiz..wat`s wrong with u!？why u will have such evil thought liking a person die or suffer or become sad, become very worst then u baru can feel satisfied with it…I just duno why..

U told me that U hate ppl more intelligent than u,but is that any wrong or harm u when that fellow more powerful than u….and the things is why u try to be so meant to me..

U have been very meant to me…as a brother…u should care about me more than everyone…unless u dun treat me as brother..there are many example…but it is silly I still become ur brother…maybe I was born with the congenital….u know wat..I believe that..i cant change ur character…for I am talented in judging hypocritism…ur percentage is meet 85%...well..nothing much to say…
Then , i dunno why that u keep saying that my point is not related with it..and u take my word too seriously…as u take other just is different from how u facing with me…if u feel my conversation is feel burden to u..it is my pleasure that we wont talk and it is better u leave me alone..i dunno..u are much different with everyone I had meet in my life…aiz..just bottom-line is..u treat me unfair! Totally unfair!

Just dun try to be so meant to ur brother…if u insist…there are nothing much to say…pls reckon what u had done…always remember there are a limit for everything…yeah…a limit for everything…pls dun force me to become the wicked jerk! Coz u might be very regretful for implant this evil seed and u need to pay for it…dude!

看破了。。。

On the spiritual side: I am a work in progress. I try to live life in simple terms, treat people with respect and kindness and it will be returned. Most of my childhood was spent living to please others, lying to get other peoples approval and acceptance. I lived most of my pre-adult days and years (before 21 yeas old) after stpm studies in addiction trying to please others and pretend life was good by socializing, working and using. I have since started a new path with life (sober recently), one that includes self respect and listening to my inner voice. I past no judgments with people who drink, party and hookup, I have just chosen to u- turn a different route since that road was a dead end. I live life to the fullest now, taking time to smile and actually make genuine conversation with others.
In friends: I am drawn to people who respect themselves and are driven. I look for friends that believe in something religion wise, not saying Christianity, but something like their own imagination. People who give back, caretakers, and make time for family as well as their friends I tend to adore. I have a sadistic dark humor streak and enjoy it in others as well. Like people who are comfortable in silence and do not feel words have to be spoken every few seconds..being in peoples presence is just as rewarding as being engulfed in conversation.
If you can make me laugh, we'll be off on the right foot. If I can make you laugh, then you're in a bad mind-set, not that there's anything wrong with being bad!?

Why am i attracted to a gal i know is not good?

THIS IS BECAUSE U ARE HOPING U ARE WRONG AND EVERTIME SHE DOES SOMETHING THAT TELLS U SHE IS NOT GOOD, U IGNORE IT. AND EVERYTIME SHE COMES THROUGH AND SUPRISED U, AND U LOST THAT ARGUMENT WITH URSELF AND THAT IS NOT FOR U!

LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

Interesting people! Life is too short to hurt each other within our own community as I have seen and experienced. I have held children who are taking there last breath, held a mother's hand as she said goodbye to her baby, and taken a new born healthy as can be to his new family as they rejoice, etc... After that my friend, all those caddy things just seem to no longer matter. I am not perfect, and I despise those who act as though they are; constantly belittling others who do not fit into their fake, pretentious worlds (u know who u are). I enjoy nice clothes, great food, and beautiful things, but at the end of it all, you cant take any of it with you. We far too often lift others up based on what they have, money, or looks. Some of the greatest people I have ever met, those who taught me the greatest lessons, at times didnt have any of those traits, but were amazing just the same. Again, I am not perfect. Its not what mistakes you make, as we all will do and have done, but its what happens after that that matters the most. Basically, if you cant laugh, cant see the imperfect person perfectly, faults and all, and understand that you in that same situation may find yourself needing anothers forgiveness, but judge anyway, keep on clicking through and don't bother with a message or email. Life can be too complicated not to laugh, so why not enjoy it and those around you. We all come from different backgrounds, but bleed just the same. Saying I love you, and loving someone are two different things my friend, dont forget that. Protect the ones you love, not just in words, but in action. Like I said, we come to care for others and even love others not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing the imperfect person perfectly, and accepting them for who they are, where they are. Learn to find beauty in the small things, and when the larger ones come our way, we will be blessed that much more.

friend i wish to have...

Sometime I’m fed up living with them who are considered as friends in my social life. I really hope I able to find an ideal friend who is able to share my feelings with, chat with me, and it is really exactly like me. For example, when I feel sad he will know and will try to console me. I will also feel happy if these people considered as friends will appreciate my effort instead of criticizing them. i cant understand why some friends need to persuade them to do anything and it is very tiring to persuade a person to believe you. I hate those people who seek my opinions and objects them.Why ask if you do not believe me?Why seek for my opinion and yet will response with many negative feedbacks on my point. I can argue back and easily persuade u to accept my view (I have been able to persuade many customers to buy my product,as I am a highly experience promoter.But what for? It is pointless for me to persuade u as u are my friend and not a customer. This is what I call friend. But, do u considering me as a friend to u? Maybe you do, but just only as a normal friend…

I need to find some friend who is not give a wide berth to me and who is not shameful to be friends with me no matter how I act. i will feel more warmth if I can have a hug everytime we meet or when we leave each other like when Samwise give Frodo a kiss when they leave each other in lrtr3. it is very touching for me coz it lets me think u really appreciate me as your friend. U can say that it looks like a gay attitude but for me as long as u feel comfortable with it,when the majority consider it as a gay act..pls go ahead.

I am looking for those who really understand me and able to share my life with. Sometime I envy best friends who are able to stay together and live happily without any argument…sleep together, play together, watch porn together, date with gal together…go to lounge to seduce some gal to have sex together….to think altogether….I used to imagine I have a friend like that but now I know that it does not exist in this world…sigh

I am still searching…hoping will be able to find it….but so far I can’t find anyone and yet,I am not those very fussy kind of people.

The bottom-line is, I need someone who is a real man.Who has put a good life together for himself – someone who is ready to share his life with me - a man that realizes that love is not easy and challenging yet rewarding.That being together can be a great time too. I know it sound gay but excuse me, I am not a gay because gay is defined as a man have sexual relationship with a man but I,however am not interested with those back site activity.